finally, an early day for me now. Crashed a mkting lecture an hr before our exact slot so I got to return home early w/o exactly ponning. hehe...Yes, it's 6pm and is EARLY. Considered the fact that I only got home at 10+ the previous few nights.
as promised, I gonna write up a little post on my thoughts of poly life so far.
I realised that studies are not the only and most probably not the top priority in poly already. It's a bit more about life management in a complex environment (depends on how you see it). For someone that lacks social experience and is as well inadequate of it too, I guess it was a really hard breakthrough
It's been 1 and 1/2 year since I entered poly already. The beginning in which I really struggled hard to adapt everything in a total new environment. From the most simple schooling time to the complex relationship... Well, no one gonna believe that if I said that I'm used to wake up on 7am every morning even in the hols. But, yes i did. I'm practically so used to the fixed life I had already. Wake up at 6am, usually get home at 2pm, never stayed in school beyond 7pm, go to bed on 11pm.
Well, poly timing are so screwed to the sense the it's not fixed, full of uncertainty and well.. distraction. School can start as early as 8am, or as late as 4pm. I can had a 2hrs day then followed by a 7-11 life. Not forgetting to mention the always extra long break in between of classes. Oh well, this is where time management become so important. I've seen some really efficiency and some that really gone bad. When people complained that there's not enough time, did they really consider the time which they wasted away? Let's take R's day for example, she felt so stressed about the projects, which she had yet completed. To let it all out, she went to talk to friends for a couple of hrs in the night. When she got home, it's already so late but had to complete the couple of projects since deadline is the following morning. Didn't slept for the whole night and gt really upset and stressed. The whole cycle repeated itself. Another case, H. She is a professional sportplayer and has training every single day till late night. Immediately after school, she goes for training. But, she still did quite well in her work and surprising, she skipped lotsa classes also. It was only today that I found out and learn from her. If you had a lesson which ended at 12pm but you gt only a 1hr final class at 4pm. Most people (in the right mind), at least me would choose to skip that useless one hr and return to home and mug instead, but....no, don't skip. Choose to crash for a earlier lecture at 12pm! Wees, H totally pwned me in that ((: efficiency is well..something we can control actually.
Human relationship is the total crappy thing to handle. Can't control others isn't so? Unlike boring secondary school days when everyone dresses not only the same but all are also on same age group. Well, even if you don't bond well with classmate, there's always teacher to help. Everything changed for me in my Poly. Being in SW class for the whole year made me learnt a lot, SW is a class of people who were a whole lot different from me. It's abit difficult and even hurting for me intially because I really cannot understand them (they can't understand me). Eventually learnt to express myself better and controlled my emotion myself better. Really glad that I didn't choose to give up (in) because it was even worse than pure frustration. But, I eventually got over and retained my pride which is what matters most afterall. I learnt from a lot of impressive human and observed those screwed ones. Seeing different individuals and how they worked is well...highly amusing experience. Instead of avoid them like what I did in the past, I can now deal a tricky situation tactifully. Am really proud of that.
Well, I guess I might have lost some (I had not realise of course), but definitely gained a lot so far already. Well, i guess I can be a no-life human in poly easily and was at one a point of time. Because my characteristics fit all. When I got too tired with all the problem and choose to avoid them. I guess studies, unfortunately, weren't too much of a demand for me (dont really care, lol). Don't care about those fking human socialising, sch frm 9am-2pm. Home sweet home, do my homework, no tkd in the night, So relaxing ehh? I do enjoy slacking of course. But doubt if i gained any points from it. There's nothing for me to boast as a no life slacker. haha
Yes, I might had struggled so unhappily that I gave up for a change, but instead accept to learn and observe from all happenings. Learning does not mean having to change a part of yourself.
Looking back, I realised I had came so far already. Grew up.
I guess there's still a lot more for me to say about the whole thingy, another time perhaps. 14more days to exams!
boo...another day of straight 14hrs in school.
Literally, it's something more than just tired. Actually more sort of demanding and challenging to handle thing in the right way. Yar yar.. i take them on (no matter what), work just come loh==
ok, life today is so long that i gonna break it into different part in this post
(part 1)
had 2 projects presentation today, so i just wear formal for the whole day. Finally the end to projects.
But infact i do have so much to blog about what happen today among me and grpmates. bear with me then.
so, the whole incident started today with rachel being late for the presentation. and it's like the last straw of tolerence for the rest too (exclude me) whom are already horribly pissed off by her because she didnt do her part yada yada etc. and grpmates apparently displayed black face to rach frm e moment she stepped in. A point of time when sus and char went out then left with me and alissa. Rach was emo-ing beside me and alissa (e most insensitive), was complaining as she worked on her ppt slide at the same thing. I...erm, submerged myself in reading .... though i feel sry for rach. Like every fault is directly toward her and only her. well, no comments.
Next, rach send a msg to all of us suddenly and told us tt she's very sorry for today. I read the msg, stared at her for a moment and continue my book. I wasn't any upset to begin with just that being the unempathy type, i tend not to know how to respond also. So yea... I think rach got so upset our reaction and went off the class and CRY. I guess rach went to tell Maria about the whole incident and the Maria went to tell Charlene. Charlene, (so called our the oldest of the grp) gt pissed & upset with all so....
Ok, inevitable. The thrashing session.
6 of us went off to a corner of school corridor and talk things out. I don't actually have much hard feeling because I not the pissed off one neither were i the one who pissed anyone off. But well...since everyone were asked to speak their true feeling out, i mention about their organising brain and inefficiency management which is quite true also. Sus says she's shocked because i never expressed anything before..lols, ok...sus and alissa says the hard things to rach :/
comes in lotsa thoeries on relationship/time management.blah blah blah. at least we cleared up some hard feeling. Took like 1/2hrs outside while char had a one to one talk with rach after i left with sus, alissa and hash for lunch. Okay, charlene always do it(:
thrashing out session is really one of the kind today.
I totally admired Charlene for her boldness and straightforwardness. Something I guess I would never do it in my whole life and there's really much for me to learn from her also ;/
130pm
(part 2)
after lunch went for a attendance taken business law seminar. Realised that my attendance for laws is already 86%-can't skip anymore. So haf to attend. haha... had a really horrible stomachache from the morning since then... and it's intolerable during the business law session. Can't help but to sleep. It's kinda rude since im sitting in the front rows and the guest speakers were all lawyer.. but..lols, Can't help it! I wished that i had paid attention also! *winks*
it's 3.30pm by then.
yar yar, NO CHOICE again but to buy panadol frm bookstore. Everything i do is no choice la. duhhh, anyway....my errm i think stomachache is gastric. It's not longer eat well and exercise well but EAT AT AND EXCERCISE AT THE RIGHT TIME! Because i ran last night without dinner, and gt too depleted of energy. Woke up and got 2 servings of breakfast instead. so...yea, i don't really eat and excercise appropriately, resulting in a spoilt body system.
went off the free access lab and prepare abit of my jap role play tmr. Then suddenly, all e computer system in the lab restarted. all the unsave work gone and everyone complained about it. Luckily I know that sch comp are so unreliable and will never do my work on it anyway. Imaging my report all gone halfway as i typed without saving...GOSH
wenxin (tt mindsweeper bully) and catherine came to entertain me in lab later. played bingo and cath won ALL games manx. duh, is there any games tt i can specialise on?? playing with them are totally crazy la
7pm
(part3)
TKD meeting. Sir vincent was expectedly late again. And commitee bitched about how to deal with him ltr. Then Vincent arrived. Talked. After he finished the part about the commitment thingy, we all hung our heads so low. sighs- because he was SO RIGHT. damn right infact... about the commitment issue etc...for once, i felt a sense of responsibilty. yea, just ONCE. the meeting is kinda productive this time rd. But cath and me were doodling and writing nonsense on the minutes also. We incorporated anything from business law/marketing/econs and all the shit we learnt in business management into it. It's just soo hilarious to keep us awake for 3hrs. might take a picture of the so wonderful minutes tt we came up with..hahaha
3straight hrs of discussing issues on club. yea, club is in such a mess actually. (slack more la, huiying.)
10pm when the meeting ended. called up dad to pick me up. can't imagine if i haf to spend another 1 more hr just to get home....
GOT HOME FINALLY.
7pm-1030pm
(END)
ok, better stop here. I wanna rant more about my feeling of POLY LIFE in the next post. cant write anymore currently... getting too late. AJA~
the only reason I'm appearing offline now is because TMR is 2 major projects deadline cum presentation. I don't wanna do extra work. As simple as that.
and to answer all the questions, No. I'm no expert to complete my own task earlier. Neither did I spend any less time or efforts on my own part. Simply because I have a much organised brain than yours. What's with asking me to help you, complaining that you don't understand the qns & don't know how to do, when youtubing +msning at the same time? SHOW me why I should spend extra efforts to do something Im not supposed to. (other than cus we're in a grp== horribly lame k.) I'm not a helpful person neither empathy enough also... too bad, because I don't give a damn about it also.
I believe human will jump on every opportunity to slave me. because they're so insensitive to begin with, virgos do have low tolerance for inefficiency.
TKD is like the best excuse for me always- not to stay behind and help. Ok, I did went for TKD but only to go for a run. Wanted to workout but didnt wanna stay till too late. So yea, solo trning for myself. Ran for like 5rds the track and 1 big rd the sch. but i went to eat an upsize mac straight after that== defeat the purpose. HAHA. Gt father to fetch me home early((:
I finally found the perfect place to study! -downstair of my house! The most conducive environment I found so far. It's outdoor, beside the pool, under the shade, nice deck, nicely sculptured green plant, comfortable chair, no shaky table, and most importantly, no human. A good environment just make studying much enjoyable. Well, the bad point is...i enjoyed the comfort so much that I feel like sleeping after a few chapters in :/
was arguing with dad over why he shouldn't waste the incentive given by the company for himself and should have given to me instead.HAHA.. it's such as waste for the company to give incentive for sporting goods because my dad dont excercise! NEVER. even if means to pay maintainance fee for that huge pool and small gym monthy== He had never used them once and will never use them in the future i reckon. back to main pt, he dont need money to buy sporting goods so why dont he leave the money for his ahem* sports and wellness daughter?? WAHAHA
but on second thoughts, i remembered i bought some crappy equipments last yr with the money. One stupid fat gym ball, a overpriced yoga mat and a useless goggle. Erm...wait, goggle is the most useful not because i go swimming but because it took up the least space! That grey gym ball took up a reasonable amt of space in my half-ed bedroom now, (at least it matched my purple room) and like the shape suggested, that round dumbie caused me to fall not so long ago; Green yoga mat threw into waredrobe ever since I moved in. Ok...upon reflect, i conclude that i threw daddy money away too. XP
2 presentation tmr! then it's my final Jap ICAs... END, can finally concentrate on studying. EXAMS! HOLS! TEP! Got a job offer during the hols to work at the F1! Maybe slacker me will take up the offer this time round XP
ok, here i come to blog because Im too restle ss to do other things also.
waking up and getting off the bed such a...task, for me in the past 2 morning. Can't you believe it? My whole body ache from the head to toes...yea, due to the fri trn session. Even turning the wrist hurts...and those bruises are multicoloring and growing bigger by themselves. I don't think anyone won't believe if I said I got into a fight...oh wait, i really did got into a fight==
nvm, back to my falling body which had not yet fell apart only
There's such a word to describe myself...OLD.
and I realised I tend to sleep the whole of every sat. Always woke up like past noon, and slept again in e evening for a few more hrs. Before I knew it, sat is GONE. I guess I was too tired after 1 hectic week. But Im glad that there's no school on mon..so it's still a 2 day breaks for me.
wanna go running though :/
provided that I study my BF first. Topics seem pretty easy after browsing the lecture slides..but..well well, I shall see how first.
It's Fri! and my hectic finally finally drew to an end, only to have a MORE hectic life ahead.
Boo... it's ICT project, ESW project, Business Finance ICA, Jap Role Play, Jap E-Quiz and then I can offically start mugging for my semestral exams. ok..in another word, Im this busy for the upcoming week infact.
Demanding ehh... EXAMS will commence on the 14th Aug. End on 22 Aug.
anyway, I wonder if i can REALLY scrap through this semester, of which i successfully done so for the past 2 sem though... argh, finance and EFMA is e killer.
Had EFMA test today. Decide to skip e morning lessons and went to library and STUDY. I was so not really yet. 6 straight hrs since 8am. Did like 4 exam papers... I thought I was pretty much ready by then for e test. So WRONG. Tests were lik so different frm my exam papers. I seriously wonder what e lecturers are thinking by setting such wrong things. It's not only difficult and most importantly, it's don't prepare us for exam! My first EFMA ICA which covers e 1st 3 lectures are not in exam (luckily) and my 2nd one was that rubbish paper...and if i fail this again (most probably), Im will be in a so dangerous situation of repeating module. OMG.
went for TKD. time for some workout finally. Quite fun though Im like e only female trainee today. cept for mdn Jolene who came ltr on. But training along with ONLY e seniors feels good. Just keep on acting pro and play around ourselves trying those chim techniques. Sparred with Jolene as a mean to prepare her for national.. kinda fun to learn from black belts. though i suffered numerous SEE-ABLE bruises again afterward. Fine, gonna show off to wenxin when i see her next week, or alissa, hahaha...all sadists unfortuately. U want bruises?? come to me! XP
ok, new thoughts recently. There can't be too much 'WHY' in your world. Some parts you just have to...let it go, give it a pass, get it over. Got this after a classmate asked my national gymnast why she trained so hard (like every single day after sch till 9++). Not for 'getting better' in sg if your get what i mean, not for passion else she could just take it up as a recreation..then what?
I guess there's no ans to that. Everytime I keep on questioning myself why did i join Sports and Wellness, why did I choose TKD, why am I feeling this way, why did I do that thing....well, life would be tough if i pursue an ans for all these...thinking through what I had done ALREADY is just too tired and wasteful in life. Well, i can put it into a word that... I might regret for not thinking through a decision... but i can't change anything just by thinking...ok,take it that way,
if I really went ahead to dropout from SW then because character really dont fit in; badly, and mainly because i feel that I would be better off if i do others courses (yes, i still feel the same NOW) but... were all these the 'right' ans as to 'why'? I realised that there's no absolute right or wrong in everythin we do in life. And yes, I do feel that choosing SW isnt the 'wrong' choice either. At least for now, Im convinced that it would be okay with me to take sports management as a career for life. So why make life difficult for myself by constantly reminding the 'why' of my choice? Izzit really that important? Is why 'Im feeling this way' so important also?
Some things have no explaination. Some things need no further explaination. Thoughts might be free, action come with a consequence. The risk bearing it...oh well, sometime comes too high. No guts to take them in also... shall lessen the stress myself by thinking less then..jaaaa
I think my brain is as crappy as my 3 layers taped laptop which charger had fallen loose and I haf to tighten them like microwave plastic wraps to the laptop. Unglam. Well, perfect time for e batt to fall loose anyway. I'll be damn pissed off to bring to school or even switch on the laptop. That meant no comp till my exams are over! I seriously need to cut my useless online time for the sake of studies. 3more weeks! OMG again...
-off to mug in my purple dream! MUAHAHHA
ok, I shall blog (:
sooooooooo... I'm in school this early again, totally forget that there's NO MORNING LESSON until i reached school and joyce reminded on msn...ewww
so yea? what am I up in sch so early in e first place!?! /:
talked with FW abit last night and somehow I opened myself abit more. Yes, I guess it's really okay to dislike one, feel mean, be evil or bitchy or any sort of social actions which would be deemed as unacceptable by urself. Because we're human and we have feelings. We would feel hurt afterall. but it's OKAY, totally. What matters most, from what I learnt, is not to hurt anyone, especially those whom i loved, because I can't control myself. I don't want them to see me losing control of mysef because it reflect badly on me also. And yes, it would mean putting on a reasonable amount of facade if required. I guess that is what I've been always doing. I don't show my unhappiness in front of people, and at times I feel myself wicked to actually bitch alone. Ok, it's somehow like backstabber, faker...but somehow, my motive is much simpler, that it...not to hurt anyone. SHOW that you're a simple person. I realised...it's all OKAY.
was viewing some albums in FB and realised all e old pics uploaded by classmates. Suddenly, I find a lot of ME in there. Well, I always have to preception that I didn't take much pics with them in e first place and always tend to leave out myself for events... Well, I realised that perhaps it's just me who refuse to take a look back at all these...seemingly memorable events. But in fact, I actually appreciate all these.. As I take a look at all e photos, all are actually wonderful, crazy and genuine times I had with them.
I'm loss at words for what to say actually...有些事是值得去纪念的吧？
ok, to classmate:
把偷拍我的相片还我好吗 ((:
I'm sure there's MANY MANY MANY MORE! ~
Woke up rather early today...
Monday BLUES, feeling so helpless and down
I reached to a conclusion that I have to make do with all these things in life. Because that what I choosed. Something are best when you don't think about them. I guess it sucks completely when you think through and realised that there's no other alternative way out but to accept. ACCEPT. no matter if I can take it or not..
i always ended up blaming myself for everything that occurs...tired, really tired. Tired of playing that perfectionist infront of others. Seriously, I do have feeling... I don't show doesn't mean that I don't care...
Anyway, there's always a FATE to put blame on, or my lousy LUCK. It makes me feel...slightly better at least. There's nothing i can do to change them, at least.
I took e test 2 times...to erm, test its reliablity? hahaha,
credit goes here
http://www.personalitytest.net/
-
Extraversion...............0
Friendliness.............1
Gregariousness...........2
Assertiveness............8
Activity Level...........42
Excitement-Seeking.......8
Cheerfulness.............17
Agreeableness..............4
Trust....................27
Morality.................7
Altruism.................1
Cooperation..............27
Modesty..................29
Sympathy.................18
Conscientiousness..........64
Self-Efficacy............45
Orderliness..............49
Dutifulness..............54
Achievement-Striving.....22
Self-Discipline..........63
Cautiousness.............98
Neuroticism................35
Anxiety..................66
Anger....................0
Depression...............32
Self-Consciousness.......75
Immoderation.............44
Vulnerability............46
Openess to experience.....38
Imagination..............51
Artistic Interests.......40
Emotionality.............37
Adventurousness..........19
Intellect................49
Liberalism...............59
-
Ok, I'm forever seem to be taking personality test... and this gonna be a long long one ahead. don't ask why I have so much time on hand...I took like an hr for the test...tsk tsk...jaaa, it's meant for myself anyway, don't think anyone can read e whole long chunk either==
-
Extraversion
Extraversion is marked by pronounced engagement with the external world. Extraverts enjoy being with people, are full of energy, and often experience positive emotions. They tend to be enthusiastic, action-oriented, individuals who are likely to say "Yes!" or "Let's go!" to opportunities for excitement. In groups they like to talk, assert themselves, and draw attention to themselves.
Introverts lack the exuberance, energy, and activity levels of extraverts. They tend to be quiet, low-key, deliberate, and disengaged from the social world. Their lack of social involvement should not be interpreted as shyness or depression; the introvert simply needs less stimulation than an extravert and prefers to be alone. The independence and reserve of the introvert is sometimes mistaken as unfriendliness or arrogance. In reality, an introvert who scores high on the agreeableness dimension will not seek others out but will be quite pleasant when approached.
Domain/Facet........... Score
Extraversion...............2
Friendliness.............3
Gregariousness...........7
Assertiveness............6
Activity Level...........34
Excitement-Seeking.......17
Cheerfulness.............1
Your score on Extraversion is low, indicating you are introverted, reserved, and quiet. You enjoy solitude and solitary activities. Your socializing tends to be restricted to a few close friends.
Extraversion Facets
Friendliness.Friendly people genuinely like other people and openly demonstrate positive feelings toward others. They make friends quickly and it is easy for them to form close, intimate relationships. Low scorers on Friendliness are not necessarily cold and hostile, but they do not reach out to others and are perceived as distant and reserved. Your level of friendliness is low.
Gregariousness. Gregarious people find the company of others pleasantly stimulating and rewarding. They enjoy the excitement of crowds. Low scorers tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. They do not necessarily dislike being with people sometimes, but their need for privacy and time to themselves is much greater than for individuals who score high on this scale. Your level of gregariousness is low.
Assertiveness. High scorers Assertiveness like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. They tend to be leaders in groups. Low scorers tend not to talk much and let others control the activities of groups. Your level of assertiveness is low.
Activity Level. Active individuals lead fast-paced, busy lives. They move about quickly, energetically, and vigorously, and they are involved in many activities. People who score low on this scale follow a slower and more leisurely, relaxed pace. Your activity level is average.
Excitement-Seeking. High scorers on this scale are easily bored without high levels of stimulation. They love bright lights and hustle and bustle. They are likely to take risks and seek thrills. Low scorers are overwhelmed by noise and commotion and are adverse to thrill-seeking. Your level of excitement-seeking is low.
Cheerfulness. This scale measures positive mood and feelings, not negative emotions (which are a part of the Neuroticism domain). Persons who score high on this scale typically experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy. Low scorers are not as prone to such energetic, high spirits. Your level of positive emotions is low.
Agreeableness
Agreeableness reflects individual differences in concern with cooperation and social harmony. Agreeable individuals value getting along with others. They are therefore considerate, friendly, generous, helpful, and willing to compromise their interests with others'. Agreeable people also have an optimistic view of human nature. They believe people are basically honest, decent, and trustworthy.
Disagreeable individuals place self-interest above getting along with others. They are generally unconcerned with others' well-being, and therefore are unlikely to extend themselves for other people. Sometimes their skepticism about others' motives causes them to be suspicious, unfriendly, and uncooperative.
Agreeableness is obviously advantageous for attaining and maintaining popularity. Agreeable people are better liked than disagreeable people. On the other hand, agreeableness is not useful in situations that require tough or absolute objective decisions. Disagreeable people can make excellent scientists, critics, or soldiers.
Domain/Facet........... Score
Agreeableness..............10
Trust....................19
Morality.................25
Altruism.................3
Cooperation..............52
Modesty..................45
Sympathy.................0
Your score on Agreeableness is low, indicating less concern with others' needs Than with your own. People see you as tough, critical, and uncompromising.
Agreeableness Facets
Trust. A person with high trust assumes that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. Persons low in trust see others as selfish, devious, and potentially dangerous. Your level of trust is low.
Morality. High scorers on this scale see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank, and sincere. Low scorers believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. People find it relatively easy to relate to the straightforward high-scorers on this scale. They generally find it more difficult to relate to the unstraightforward low-scorers on this scale. It should be made clear that low scorers are not unprincipled or immoral; they are simply more guarded and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth. Your level of morality is low.
Altruism. Altruistic people find helping other people genuinely rewarding. Consequently, they are generally willing to assist those who are in need. Altruistic people find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. Low scorers on this scale do not particularly like helping those in need. Requests for help feel like an imposition rather than an opportunity for self-fulfillment. Your level of altruism is low.
Cooperation. Individuals who score high on this scale dislike confrontations. They are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny their own needs in order to get along with others. Those who score low on this scale are more likely to intimidate others to get their way. Your level of compliance is average.
Modesty. High scorers on this scale do not like to claim that they are better than other people. In some cases this attitude may derive from low self-confidence or self-esteem. Nonetheless, some people with high self-esteem find immodesty unseemly. Those who are willing to describe themselves as superior tend to be seen as disagreeably arrogant by other people. Your level of modesty is average.
Sympathy. People who score high on this scale are tenderhearted and compassionate. They feel the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity. Low scorers are not affected strongly by human suffering. They pride themselves on making objective judgments based on reason. They are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy. Your level of tender-mindedness is low.
Conscientiousness
Conscientiousness concerns the way in which we control, regulate, and direct our impulses. Impulses are not inherently bad; occasionally time constraints require a snap decision, and acting on our first impulse can be an effective response. Also, in times of play rather than work, acting spontaneously and impulsively can be fun. Impulsive individuals can be seen by others as colorful, fun-to-be-with, and zany.
Nonetheless, acting on impulse can lead to trouble in a number of ways. Some impulses are antisocial. Uncontrolled antisocial acts not only harm other members of society, but also can result in retribution toward the perpetrator of such impulsive acts. Another problem with impulsive acts is that they often produce immediate rewards but undesirable, long-term consequences. Examples include excessive socializing that leads to being fired from one's job, hurling an insult that causes the breakup of an important relationship, or using pleasure-inducing drugs that eventually destroy one's health.
Impulsive behavior, even when not seriously destructive, diminishes a person's effectiveness in significant ways. Acting impulsively disallows contemplating alternative courses of action, some of which would have been wiser than the impulsive choice. Impulsivity also sidetracks people during projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Accomplishments of an impulsive person are therefore small, scattered, and inconsistent.
A hallmark of intelligence, what potentially separates human beings from earlier life forms, is the ability to think about future consequences before acting on an impulse. Intelligent activity involves contemplation of long-range goals, organizing and planning routes to these goals, and persisting toward one's goals in the face of short-lived impulses to the contrary. The idea that intelligence involves impulse control is nicely captured by the term prudence, an alternative label for the Conscientiousness domain. Prudent means both wise and cautious. Persons who score high on the Conscientiousness scale are, in fact, perceived by others as intelligent.
The benefits of high conscientiousness are obvious. Conscientious individuals avoid trouble and achieve high levels of success through purposeful planning and persistence. They are also positively regarded by others as intelligent and reliable. On the negative side, they can be compulsive perfectionists and workaholics. Furthermore, extremely conscientious individuals might be regarded as stuffy and boring. Unconscientious people may be criticized for their unreliability, lack of ambition, and failure to stay within the lines, but they will experience many short-lived pleasures and they will never be called stuffy.
Domain/Facet........... Score
Conscientiousness..........55
Self-Efficacy............28
Orderliness..............47
Dutifulness..............62
Achievement-Striving.....24
Self-Discipline..........58
Cautiousness.............89
Your score on Conscientiousness is average. This means you are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.
Conscientiousness Facets
Self-Efficacy. Self-Efficacy describes confidence in one's ability to accomplish things. High scorers believe they have the intelligence (common sense), drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success. Low scorers do not feel effective, and may have a sense that they are not in control of their lives. Your level of self-efficacy is low.
Orderliness. Persons with high scores on orderliness are well-organized. They like to live according to routines and schedules. They keep lists and make plans. Low scorers tend to be disorganized and scattered. Your level of orderliness is average.
Dutifulness. This scale reflects the strength of a person's sense of duty and obligation. Those who score high on this scale have a strong sense of moral obligation. Low scorers find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining. They are likely to be seen as unreliable or even irresponsible. Your level of dutifulness is average.
Achievement-Striving. Individuals who score high on this scale strive hard to achieve excellence. Their drive to be recognized as successful keeps them on track toward their lofty goals. They often have a strong sense of direction in life, but extremely high scores may be too single-minded and obsessed with their work. Low scorers are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. Your level of achievement striving is low.
Self-Discipline. Self-discipline-what many people call will-power-refers to the ability to persist at difficult or unpleasant tasks until they are completed. People who possess high self-discipline are able to overcome reluctance to begin tasks and stay on track despite distractions. Those with low self-discipline procrastinate and show poor follow-through, often failing to complete tasks-even tasks they want very much to complete. Your level of self-discipline is average.
Cautiousness. Cautiousness describes the disposition to think through possibilities before acting. High scorers on the Cautiousness scale take their time when making decisions. Low scorers often say or do first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives. Your level of cautiousness is high.
Neuroticism
Freud originally used the term neurosis to describe a condition marked by mental distress, emotional suffering, and an inability to cope effectively with the normal demands of life. He suggested that everyone shows some signs of neurosis, but that we differ in our degree of suffering and our specific symptoms of distress. Today neuroticism refers to the tendency to experience negative feelings. Those who score high on Neuroticism may experience primarily one specific negative feeling such as anxiety, anger, or depression, but are likely to experience several of these emotions. People high in neuroticism are emotionally reactive. They respond emotionally to events that would not affect most people, and their reactions tend to be more intense than normal. They are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. Their negative emotional reactions tend to persist for unusually long periods of time, which means they are often in a bad mood. These problems in emotional regulation can diminish a neurotic's ability to think clearly, make decisions, and cope effectively with stress.
At the other end of the scale, individuals who score low in neuroticism are less easily upset and are less emotionally reactive. They tend to be calm, emotionally stable, and free from persistent negative feelings. Freedom from negative feelings does not mean that low scorers experience a lot of positive feelings; frequency of positive emotions is a component of the Extraversion domain.
Domain/Facet........... Score
Neuroticism................44
Anxiety..................62
Anger....................18
Depression...............64
Self-Consciousness.......74
Immoderation.............19
Vulnerability............47
Your score on Neuroticism is average, indicating that your level of emotional reactivity is typical of the general population. Stressful and frustrating situations are somewhat upsetting to you, but you are generally able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations.
Neuroticism Facets
Anxiety. The "fight-or-flight" system of the brain of anxious individuals is too easily and too often engaged. Therefore, people who are high in anxiety often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. They may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. They feel tense, jittery, and nervous. Persons low in Anxiety are generally calm and fearless. Your level of anxiety is average.
Anger. Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way. They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily. Your level of anger is low.
Depression. This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free from these depressive feelings. Your level of depression is average.
Self-Consciousness. Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic, but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations. Your level or self-consciousness is high.
Immoderation. Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards rather than long- term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge. Your level of immoderation is low.
Vulnerability. High scorers on Vulnerability experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. Low scorers feel more poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed. Your level of vulnerability is average.
Openness to Experience
Openness to Experience describes a dimension of cognitive style that distinguishes imaginative, creative people from down-to-earth, conventional people. Open people are intellectually curious, appreciative of art, and sensitive to beauty. They tend to be, compared to closed people, more aware of their feelings. They tend to think and act in individualistic and nonconforming ways. Intellectuals typically score high on Openness to Experience; consequently, this factor has also been called Culture or Intellect. Nonetheless, Intellect is probably best regarded as one aspect of openness to experience. Scores on Openness to Experience are only modestly related to years of education and scores on standard intelligent tests.
Another characteristic of the open cognitive style is a facility for thinking in symbols and abstractions far removed from concrete experience. Depending on the individual's specific intellectual abilities, this symbolic cognition may take the form of mathematical, logical, or geometric thinking, artistic and metaphorical use of language, music composition or performance, or one of the many visual or performing arts. People with low scores on openness to experience tend to have narrow, common interests. They prefer the plain, straightforward, and obvious over the complex, ambiguous, and subtle. They may regard the arts and sciences with suspicion, regarding these endeavors as abstruse or of no practical use. Closed people prefer familiarity over novelty; they are conservative and resistant to change.
Openness is often presented as healthier or more mature by psychologists, who are often themselves open to experience. However, open and closed styles of thinking are useful in different environments. The intellectual style of the open person may serve a professor well, but research has shown that closed thinking is related to superior job performance in police work, sales, and a number of service occupations.
Domain/Facet........... Score
Openness to experience.....38
Imagination..............47
Artistic Interests.......40
Emotionality.............53
Adventurousness..........17
Intellect................59
Liberalism...............35
Your score on Openness to Experience is average, indicating you enjoy tradition but are willing to try new things. Your thinking is neither simple nor complex. To others you appear to be a well-educated person but not an intellectual.
Openness Facets
Imagination. To imaginative individuals, the real world is often too plain and ordinary. High scorers on this scale use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world. Low scorers are on this scale are more oriented to facts than fantasy. Your level of imagination is average.
Artistic Interests. High scorers on this scale love beauty, both in art and in nature. They become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. They are not necessarily artistically trained nor talented, although many will be. The defining features of this scale are interest in, and appreciation of natural and artificial beauty. Low scorers lack aesthetic sensitivity and interest in the arts. Your level of artistic interests is average.
Emotionality. Persons high on Emotionality have good access to and awareness of their own feelings. Low scorers are less aware of their feelings and tend not to express their emotions openly. Your level of emotionality is average.
Adventurousness. High scorers on adventurousness are eager to try new activities, travel to foreign lands, and experience different things. They find familiarity and routine boring, and will take a new route home just because it is different. Low scorers tend to feel uncomfortable with change and prefer familiar routines. Your level of adventurousness is low.
Intellect. Intellect and artistic interests are the two most important, central aspects of openness to experience. High scorers on Intellect love to play with ideas. They are open-minded to new and unusual ideas, and like to debate intellectual issues. They enjoy riddles, puzzles, and brain teasers. Low scorers on Intellect prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. They regard intellectual exercises as a waste of time. Intellect should not be equated with intelligence. Intellect is an intellectual style, not an intellectual ability, although high scorers on Intellect score slightly higher than low-Intellect individuals on standardized intelligence tests. Your level of intellect is average.
Liberalism. Psychological liberalism refers to a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. In its most extreme form, psychological liberalism can even represent outright hostility toward rules, sympathy for law-breakers, and love of ambiguity, chaos, and disorder. Psychological conservatives prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. Psychological liberalism and conservatism are not identical to political affiliation, but certainly incline individuals toward certain political parties. Your level of liberalism is average.
-
I swear I won't be getting pass Weds without camwhoring ==
Was whining since 1pm after sch ended that I WANNA GO HOME
WANNA GO HOME, WANNA GO HOME.... REALLY WANNA GO HOME.
But project mates insist me to stay, stay, STAY.
so yea...bad mood=(
well... it's e same old long story if I really wanna explain how i gt into a bad mood into first place.
but I totally HATE how people says thing that I'm a rich brat or something like I'm relying on my parents for all my spendings. Seriously, I dont even splurge and I don't ask for extra money also. People that knew me well enough should know HOW MUCH I SAVED. And to begin with, just because I stayed in a condo don't mean anything, (which i don't know how its a woohoo issue to your in the first place) be shocked at how thrifty my family can get to. That's MY upbringing. Don't use assumption and generalisation on me with all e unfactual stuffs and the fact that your don't know me well also. I don't like people who don't think deep enough.
-
back to projects-
because simply I hate the inefficiency in myself and I'm not having fun either. So is just sitting there and staring at the potted plant in front of me, refusing to start work in anywhere.
Charlene was damn nice to help me to all e business law crap as i continue starring into e potted plants.
Well, I think starring at plants healed me...
Alissa started being so bored and took photos of herself with sus's camera, then ME... then e whole gang joined in e camwhore fun. Ok, felt SOOOOOO much better eventually with those camwhoring acts. Wait, we called it e de-stress mtd. lols...
But somehow, we sort of did something for the day.
Went home and slept.
For once I feel like a design student because I actually have PS assignement now to do for those projects also.
ok, it's such a retarded day overall. PS here i come! xD
I realised that I shouldn't had done so yesterday...no matter what...
because it hurts myself and others too. I tried thinking it through last night... but I somehow conclude that I've no choice. No choice to control how I feel. I did all I could already, like excusing myself away when I know that I can't take them anymore...
But how do I explain myself for all these?
Went off venting silently again. Doesn't matter much, but I didn't expect one to find me out in that place. Like someone trample into your own world...Panicked that the door just opened but I just smiled and I thought I was EVEN friendly. Lights were off because I wanna sleep, targets were there because I want training, outside were too hot and noisy so I went in. RUBBISHEST. But...convincing enough:/
Look, my ability to put on a front is... speechless
ok, so she left soon and i continue what I was doing, but i were more on training purpose this time round, till my hand accidentally knocked into the metal trolley. Aliah came in while I applied medicine, then more ppl whom i liked entered clubroom. End of story.
Felt so much better then I went off to meet my MT gang. was quite fun anyway ((:
ohh, sucks when parents went oversea and no-one to control my diet. In like 3 days parents left...i skipped 3 breakfasts, 2 lunches and 1 dinner. I'm spoiling my body in this way
took a personal test frm a clsmates blog..and i think its quite true to a certain extend. I tried it for 2 times, before I typed this blog and now that I typed this post up... but they somehow talk about e same thing.
its damn accurate T.T
http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/
1st trail
****
You are longing for a little love and tenderness. At present you are feeling very sensitive and need a sympathetic shoulder to lean on. You don't need any further stresses, strains or arguments so take a deep breath and relax.
You are not be feeling so good at this time. Everything seems to be getting on top of you. What you need is a rest from all of the the present trials and tribulations in peaceful surroundings and with someone - male or female, it doesn't really matter - who can really understand you and appreciates your needs.
Everyone has to compromise at times and circumstances are such that at this time you are feeling the need to do just that. Put all of your hopes on the back burner and let matters flow for a time - forgo some of the things you want. The good times are just around the corner.
All of the stress and strains resulting from disappointment have led to agitation and anxiety. You have been going out of your way to make a good impression, but you have reservations as to the likelihood of succeeding. You feel that you have a right to accomplish all that you set your mind on but you have become helpless and distressed when circumstances have gone against you. The idea of failure is most upsetting and this can even mean utter dejection. You see yourself as a scapegoat and you feel everyone in your sphere of influence has tried to take undue advantage of you. You are trying to convince yourself that your failure to achieve standing and recognition is not of your making but indeed of those around you.
Sometimes one fears that its not worth formulating new ideas and projects because whatever you seem to have done in the past has never worked out and you are tired of, as they say, banging your head against a brick wall. No one seems to care. So now you are trying to get away from it all by withdrawing into a 'fantasy land' but unfortunately 'fantasy land' is just that and sooner or later you will have to return to reality so why delay the inevitable? When you do return, you will find that the situation is not as tough as perhaps you thought it was.
****
2nd trail:
You are seeking protection against anything which might seem to be exhausting you or tiring you out. It would appear that you are seeking a life of security and physical ease, free from any problem or disturbance.
You don't feel as if you can go it on your own anymore. You don't want to be taken for granted. You need to be recognised as a 'caring person' and it could be that you are searching to establish a relationship, not necessarily with someone new, but with that someone special who could feel the same way as you do.
You are not an argumentative sort of person and 'rather than fight - you'd switch' (an old cigarette ad cliche). But when you try to assert yourself - as sometimes you may try to do - you meet with so much resistance and effrontery that manifests itself so obviously that you become hurt, indignant and resentful. So in order to have peace and quiet you tend to become inhibited. You keep it all to yourself but deep down, you 'feel' and 'hurt' a lot.
Your stress and anxiety are a result of an emotional disappointment. It could well be that the emotional relationship is no longer running smoothly and you have come to the end of your tether. On the one hand you would like to free yourself from this relationship altogether, yet on the other hand, you don't want to lose anything nor risk the uncertainty of throwing away something - something that's precious, something that could be the 'Real Thing'. Perhaps for the first time in your life you really don't know which way to go and it is these contradictory emotions that are causing you the untold stress. You are pretending to the world that you don't care but even this air of pretence is causing you much heartache.
You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believes.
****
Okay, the aftermath:
created some emo quote/lines, as inspired by Jessie too, happy? (=
-
噪音不停地在我耳边反复环绕，乱了我的节奏。复杂的旋律你解吗？
闭上眼睛，逃不过人们流言蜚语，被刺伤的心灵宛如跌入了玫瑰园。
那滴落的眼泪承载了多少回忆，我会让它淡化成空气，顺着云散去。
折了翅膀的鹰会继续飞翔，我败下的尊严依然可贵。
─怨恨中的美感，你上瘾了吗？
-
oh yes, creating a poem after an angsty post is also a beauty right? =)
Sleep my life away-
sooo...my wonderful sat is gone just by sleeping! I woke up only at 12noon, awake for a few hrs and went to sleep again at 3pm all the way until 8pm.
im probably this tired recently.
Its wasn't my intention also. My week was that hectic.
-
well, i woke up to mother's screaming. I didnt even know what's happening in the first place. She was saying unreasonable stuffs such if I had dinner now, I won't be able to bathe for the night. I was like WTF?
What right does she have to control my life in such STUPID way?
Then she started saying how much she hate my screwed time managment etc. Is like how screwed can that be? I didn't wake up on time to have dinner, I didn't wake up on time to bathe. tsk tsk...and when i went to bathe, then i realise family switched off the water heater. DAMMIT.
nvm, I didnt and won't talk back or watsoever.
-
Grading tmr. will be a officially BLUE TIP then! I probably pass not no double for me. I actually very much want to go out with TKD peeps since its like the first grading aftermath with e freshies. But, unfortunately...nope.
Didn't i realise that my left arm is heavily bruised after yesterday session. Oh well...whoever that that kicked my elbow SO hard are probably more unlucky than me.
-
organising a meeting with friends can be really a bitch also. Complicated.
nvm...船到桥头自然直
ok, good luck to me tmr((:
ok, I want to blog meaningfully. I'm always got lot of insipiration after I got mentally and physically drained out. Was talking with jess over some hopelessly bimbo acts till 3am the previous night, when I'm actually having lesson at 8am in e morning.
so its actually a little more than 3hrs of sleep before I got pulled out of bed to prepare for a fresh day ahead. School ended early today like 1pm. Its ZOOM and gone. Was looking through some further careers and education opportunities after i graduate. Uni requirement is a bitch. I hate it when i don't qualify for ANYTHING in singapore education. I don't think my career opportunities are that bad. I guess I'm okay to stick with it for my whole life but who wouldn't want to get a degree in life? I WANT something, but we're not given a equal platform to try...at least... Unfairrr =(
but my poly life is already this screwed. What to do? Dammit.
ok, its a screwed ICT test before i call it a day, in school. Took train with joyce, its always nice to have someone to talk to trip. Ok, was thinking if i should go home to sleep or go to study during the spare time I've on hand. Guess what, I think until i missed douby ghout interchange and ended up in Raffle Station. ==
I dunno what got into that i decided to alight at Raffles, and took a round at the city, alone. It feels...so..frightening real. You are like the only 'weird' one in jeans and t-shirt being trapped in a crowd, all clad in office attire. And I walked away so much that I spent quite some time to take a round back to the MRT station. It's easy to get lost among all the tall building and the whole world around u seems to be rushing for time. The whole place is just..PRESSING. Pressing Hard.
I find that nobody stops and looks around. They continue their pace and I say it's reality. Will I be someone like them 10years down the road? Or is there any passerby like me today who will be observing ME next time?
What matters most to us in life actually? What is your life revolving around today? What about the life in the future? I WILL continue seeking an answer in the process. Ok, end of my CBD stint now.
Next! Guess what??? I actually saw my brother on the same train and even on the same compartment on the way back home! OMFG== what's happening today?!? I ended up in raffles 'accidentally' then i chanced upon my brother on the same train somemore.
and hell...he must be either damn blind or trying to fake ignorance WITH me. We act like strangers, with like 5m apart and a few passenger in between only==
Well, i raise this issue up with him tmr...muahaha
I could have gotten home with him but i decide to go compass point to study instead. Decide not to sleep my life away. Was at the library frm 230pm all e way until 630pm. Sit till my butt sore. It's straight Jap studies all the way and i feel like stabbing myself.
FW arrived FINALLY then we hanged out for the night. I realised, no matters how busy I get to, I will still find time for a special friend like her. We can talk all rubbish the whole night! XD Dig out those worse than horrible secondary school neoprints. Say yucks==
I promised to groom myself every 1/2 a year. No more digusting hair.
Anyway, i reckon it's just a matter if you think everything you do is worth it or not. Some things are, some things are not.
Went back home at ard 930. It's about 14-15hrs outside recently...call it a day...i'm destroying my health THIS badly. With a JAP ICA to mug actually...
The tiredness in me somehow motivate me to move forward. But i want to slack also =(