I actually lasted today!

No emo-ness, no complaining, just plain tiredness for now. wahahaa

Im a superwoman! cheers~

soooo...it all happened with me staying up till 4am the previous night willingly, even though I know that there's school at 8am tmr, a must to wake up at 630am then!

Not forgetting that it's FRIDAY. The Friday with lesson from 8am-4pm and TKD in the night. So, every Friday is the most energy consuming day, staying in school for 14hrs (8am-10pm), with a mixture of physically and mentally demanding activities to handle on the day itself. I always need to ensure that I had enough energy to last me for the day. Or else, its either or all of the following options for me

1) Sleep/don't listen frm 8am-12pm tutorial

2) skip the 2pm-4pm lectures and go home at 12pm (e best option)

3)Rest well during 12-2pm 2hrs break(which proved to be useless anyway)

4) Skip TKD at night and home at 4pm ( I always do this XD)

Because sleeping for 2hrs in the previous night means DIE. DIE in a long day like this. 

But i actually lasted the day, in good shape! *So proud of myself*hee

paid my most attention in business law cls and surprising, effma tutorial too. 

I don't know how to begin with but its all started with my effma tutor cum lecturer who gave back e paper at the beginning of cls. As expected, I failed. along with 7 other classmates.

Don't really feel much because I knew how badly I've done for the paper. Guess what my tutor (whom i still dunno what name) said to the class? Instead of the repetitve nagging of how SA fall behind in term of results compared to the other classes, or that we should have passed our 1st test, we should stop slacking and start mugging, or tons of bad message which i heard a zillions time before already. well..

Tutor actually told us not to be discouraged by the failure and saying things like our class is not too bad because most are borderline fail etc

suddenly..i just feel that she's...so motherlyT.T

and then she announced that the topic that e test is on is not gonna come out for exams! never again! lesson on financial accounting ended and would be on mangement accounting instead. Its gonna be like a fresh new start and I went like o.0

It's like a line of hope for that almost giving up accounting module.

awww..for that, I listened in the tutorial and actually understand. Decide not to pon the ltr effma lecture already (X

-lunchbreak is good with clsmates.

-Understand more in Effma lecture.

-ICT ended early despite having a long long brief on a new upcoming project again

-Went to clubroom and settle TKD adminstration things, excel skill is alright today XD

-TKD isn't too bad at night too. Less people and the girls' shout dominating over the guys'. wahahaha

-father fetched me home with wenxin's accompany.

woohoo... and that with me blogging currently to record the event for the day means that Im feeling good. Feeling good that I survived the seemingly tough day. Well...it won't be the same if i choose to skip lecture and go home sleep though

Hectic as it may be, I do enjoy an enriching life like this. 

This post shall end in beauty. heee

Before I knew it, school had already started!
whees...I actually think that I'm must busier during the holiday instead. But somehow I think wasted my 2weeks hols AGAIN.
I still want more time for myself actually(:

hees, doesn't feel much to be BACK in school in a new term. Nothing is new in the first place also, hahaha

and today is basically a eating day. A lot of my classmates went overseas during the hols and return with a lot of food, so...we were basically eating during the whole of the marketing tutorial.
I gt, biscuit, sweets, chocolate, dried mango, tau sau pia, ma chi and a hpchain frm them today. See, my classmates are actually some really really nice people.
compare to some u-know-what classes where there's alot of backstabbing, gossiping etc.

But the main problem is that I don't actually feel bonded with MY CLASS.
Is more like, there's some sort of communication difficulties with them, I don't think I speak more than 10 sentences in the full 4 hrs with them. I just smile, nods, and listen.
somehow, I kept thinking of this issue, comparing my class with my secondary school day friends.
note the terms difference, classmates and friends.

I conclude that being like the ONLY chinese speaker in class is really this BAD seriously. And their somewhat discrimination to speaking chinese make it worst. The environment I'm in for the past 10 years make a difference. And I need extra work and time and adapt to this. The moment I open my mouth, weird pronunciation comes out. The best mtd for me is to keep myself shut.
Well, there's another problem, their English ain't good to me also! Its almost as bad as mine, just my pronunciation is abit=.= So what are classmate trying to show when they do their anti-Chinese talk using their broken English for that? tsk tsk... XDXD

Characters and interests differs a lot also. I remember the first thing my secondary school friends say after lesson is over wld be, " Hey! Let's go home!"
Classmates would say, " Go swimming la, or....go queenway or anyway out"

I always ended up rejecting their good offer. But that...I really don't enjoy outdoor, especially swimming on that hot fri noon.

another comparison below

Friends: I think, I think
Classmates: Just do it

my grp of friends did a lot of consideration. They analyze the situation before making a move. And that they're a cautious too. while classmates are straightforward, very much. They don't hold anything back in fact and this hurts a lot at times.

There's 101 difference i see between classmate and I. Ranging from the religion, language, interest, strength, behavior, characters etc
Gah...wth, I feel like... in...a...foreign country=.=
but in fact, I'm actually very much a weird human to begin with.

And I have came to accept this, I can't change this much just to get into their clique because it make myself upset. My sensitivity with their straightforwardness can't work well. And they don't understand me either. But actually, all its take is to give in a step to each other and work out the difference among us.

For all the conflict and misunderstanding that I went through with the class, I think I had changed for the better gradually over the times. I'm equally glad for their acceptance for me also. We learnt from experience.

So much for that above, SA still rocks (:
I actually look forward to TEP in 3mths time. The whole lot of modules I'm taking this semester suck a lot, especially when we start getting back the paper this week. Expected to fail effma and finance, laws and SW won't do well either. I need to work on my screwed up studies soon.

k, end of the day, 8am class tmr.

have been rather busy recently,

and as school is starting soon, I realised that i should be going on back on track real soon. Did a bit a revision here and there but it's another matter if anything gets into my brain.

and projects are killing me. Because of my 'heck to do' and lack of cooperation attitude. Well, I reckoned I did my part in the ICT project already, like the MOST part already. And groupmates wanna meetup to do. Is like, what the hell are your meeting up when your don't try enough in the first place. The project isn't really difficult to begin with and that I done up most of the part for your already, I'm not complaining and why should you be? I did spend couple of hrs exploring the website and understanding how its works too, and I don't think your spent enough time as much as i do, that it.

and i better go back to school and HELP not DO. 

Not my responsibility isn't so, just perhaps I might be slightly better in term of computing knowledge doesn't mean anything more. I love to help more but not do.

ok, but on the other hand, I'm just being the sore loser who refuses to contribute more infact. I procastinate a lot most of the time, in simply word...LAZY LA

likewise for finance/marketing/effma/laws project, im keeping my hands off these until i receive any instructions.

because i simply don't enjoy groupworks because it cut down the efficiency and effectiveness of one.

See, I'm a horrible group member(: and classmate better not find this blog. haaaha

-

going to TTSH later on, and i bet its gonna be a emo day for me after that. Going into the ICU to visit grandma is of a different feeling from the past. Seeing all the tubes on her body, and the heartbeat meter just keep on jumping irregularly (30-40), the surrounding is extremely silent except for the 'beep beep' from the machine to indicate her condition. 

sighs, and most importantly, seeing how my grandma struggled to continue living on. breathe in, breathe out...its like the most challenge task for her to do currently.

somehow, i hate people wasting their life after seeing grandma in such pathetic state. Well, and this somehow explain why i choose to keep myself busy recently, clearing up all the outstanding tasks dilligently no matter how yucky they were.  Not wanting to waste my life anymore.

going off soon. cya all

What a day.
well so this gonna be a solemn post ahead.

Well, I've never experienced death of my kins or loved ones in my whole life. But I guess I should be mentally prepared soon actually for such things to happen anytime.

It all started from last night, at around midnight. Where our family received a call from my uncle. Was informed that my grandma was sent to the hospital then. She have been ill for the past few days and that her health have been failing for the past few yrs. For someone who had lived 85 years already, I should have somehow expected this to happen already.

I visited my grandma not long before. Well, actually just like 2days ago. She's weak, fragile. Can't even talk and eat properly. But at least she still up to acknowledge my presence and whisper a few words to me. I didn't do much, and just stayed in the house while my mum and my uncles came to look after her.

It was only until yesterday night that they all began to realise the seriousness of her condition. They finally called for her to be admitted to the emergency ward. My grandma is actually suffering a heart and respiratory failure at the point of time. My parents rushed down to the hospital at midnight soon after while I stayed at home.

My house phone just keep on ringing and ringing since then. Relatives started calling in. I practically panicked when I couldn't reach for the phone in the dark living room when the first call came in. Phew, not news LUCKILY.

I'm feeling less than anxiety but still trying to calm myself down by keeping myself loaded for the next 3hrs. My parent returned at around 3am. Was told that grandma condition is rather serious now and the next 48hrs are critical. She could have just died at home if we didn't reached for the hospital or that reached late for a 1-2hrs. Just leave, gone...and pass away.

I went to bed then as I tried to recall all the fading memories of my grandma. such as the moment when I realised I grew taller than her and when I feed my grandma when she fell ill., or time when she tries to stuff some money to me I went to visit her and I brought her hers favourite MacDonald's fillet or ice cream to eat.
or me that kid with a foul mouth that threaten to send her to the old folk home because I hate to share my bedroom when she came for a stay over. And she remembered this incident till date as i chuckled away. Or at time when I can't stand her nonsensical whining and went to record her 'speech' down for my mother. well well...

My memories with grandma isn't exactly much but these still hold some importance to me after all. Regrets for that I always I thought I could be a better family member and a granddaughter still...

Woke at 9+am today. Was informed that my grandma condition gets better. Then my mum started telling me about my uncles and how their refusal to send her to the hospital few day. Am semi-fuming with their or even my mother incapability's to do something to save my grandma's life. She was telling me how all my uncles THOUGHT that grandma would get better by taking in medicine, or that she perfers to die by the bed instead of in the hospital. It was when my uncle, the one and only living by my grandma, brought his girlfriend up the house and she reckoned that grandma MUST be send to hospital quick. and luckily for her so, if not grandma would be gone already.

my grandma had 10 children , not one or two. But not even one want or can do anything for her, to keep her living on. They were waiting and waiting for one another decisions. She can't wait that long. Somehow consideration is the most foolish thing to do. She could be saved, so why not?

Shall visit grandma later on and may she gets better.

ok, this post gonna be a long long whine on TKD (:
soooooo, I finally back to training of like 3weeks of MIA.
and i need to rant

1st thing
attendence rate dropped to a new low after the freshie join in or so. I guess its the time when everyone settled in already, those that don't hold any passion for the sports have already quitted and those who do, continue to turn up. Sadly, it that pathetic amount. And yeah..somehow TKD needs MARKETING to retain the people.

2nd thing
horribly shagged training.
That day was hot and our normal tobak is thick enough, yet Sir Kangwei made us wear padding during running somemore. Completed 2.4km barefooted on the track and that's only part of our warm-up. I repeat again, its part of the WARM UP only.
Sir Weisoon took the class later and sure enough, he works differently. He took the 2nd half of the warm-up and then off to MORE pysically training. Did plenty sets of abs/arms/legs exercise. Wornt out by then. Because I knew lactic acids are sure to build up the next morning.
Sir CK & Arvind then took us for technique kicks. I gt to admit the my basics suck totally. Later part was an excercise with a partner to do the turning kicks. Apparantly, Arvind went forward to 'fix' my angle so much that the side hip muscle gt over strained. Thanks huh=.=
the last and final part was round sparring. Before my body finally get K.O and calls it a day.

am still pointing at others and looking over at the injuries we all suffered. I can still laugh at the moment of time because others are worst off than me. But i regretted the moment I got home, hidden bruise starts coming out.

*pants hard*

Injuries.
-running 2.4km on track 1st time after 3mth gave me swollen feet with blisters.
- A overstrained left thigh thanks to sir arvind. Practically hurts for every step i took today.
- 5 serious bruises that at least of a 50cents coin, and an uncountable numbers of minor ones
- Lactic acids built itself from the abs all the way down to the calves. the saddest things is that it gonna be there for at least 3 to 4days
- Most importantly, the red rashes are up again, whenever my body get too heated up on occasion and i need medicine for that.

See how taekwondo kills me =(

and the harsher the training gets to, the more i would question myself on WHY i am still in there. Before I talked about my passion for TKD, i would talk about from what I have learnt so far in sports and wellness.
Frankly speaking, my body type don't suit taekwondo. My muscles are more genetically developed in slow twitch fibers, not the fast twitch one. This somehow hinders the training because TKD is more about SPEED and POWER and apparently I lacked of them. Im more suited anerobic sports and not aerobic training like TAEKWONDO. And my bones and joint structures are that stiff and rigid. Not flexible and loose. Admit it, I would nv be able to do a split in my whole life. unless i break my bones.

and toward the mindset for TKD. I must say... it aint exactly good too. I joined TKD intially because my best buds, jocelyn and fionne, wanted to join it. And that as a SW student, i need to find a sport to join too. so somehow im used to go to training only if they went there. Then i got to know a few more people in the club like wenxin and cath, and eventually familarise myself with the whole club. I've no problem to go to training alone currently but I would prefer to have them around most of the time. Friends do matter most.

Then, I got into the dumb committee thingy and became the secretary. As to why the hell I am in the committee in the 1st place is because I represented TKD for the campus road run event. (stupid isnt so? I don't possess leadership) and somehow, being in the committee means commitment but that does not equate to passion. I can't bring myself to quit TKD no matter how de-motivate or harsh it gets to. Because I held onto a post. A POSITION. Its like a role model to be exact=.=

And im still here, remaining in the club till date as i witnessed my fellow partners leaving one after another. The strength just gets smaller and smaller. Fionne, jocelyn, cath have found their soulmates in TKD, well not me though. But anyway, they stayed on till date somehow due to the binding relationship isnt so? not me again though.

look, so why and what am I staying behind TKD for?
I admit the passion gets bigger but it will never be comparable to Kangwei or any of the blackbelts sir. I might be able to get better technically. But again, Im not willing to dedicate time to train.
No skills, no passion. So what matters most to me actually in TKD?
I hope to find an answer soon
This shall spell the end of TKD rants=)

---------------

take a break here, shall talk about meeting with irene and jess today.
ok, sorry this came after my tkd rants~ but its still gonna be of some importance! XP

to irene, because I know that you will be reading this and the below msg would be for ya (:

I guess, I did all I can as a friend to help you today. Hee, and hopefully I don't come down all the way from kovan for nth XD. Because I see that you need some help, and that im willing to give it a little try for that no matter how insignificant its seems to be. Guess jess and me had already said all in our little meeting at the end of the day. Do help yourself and move forward in your life for the sake of yourself. good luck and i really mean it. (=

morning was rather enjoyable with couple of leisure read.
I didn't know what got into me the previous night, a tad of emo-ness got into me and couldn't decide to sleep or not.
and when that when Im on my bed already, tears started flowing out, for no reason. Ok, its just a few drops though.
and then, I answered myself, "It should be the time, finally."
somehow, I tend to hide the delicate feeling of mine too well at times, till the form of non-existance. Facade of sort off. that I don't even realise it myself.
so, i reckoned that perhaps those tears are actually a form of release for the long hidden or built up emo-ness i had.

Ok, so I went into slumber in tears and I woked up in the morning, in tears again. Just that I rubbed accidentally into my eyes and hurted way too much. Not too great to begin a day like this. haha

I somehow realise that the hols are finally here. But, I don't feel very much into it. Am still at home doing some form of works or so. I have TONS of things to do, but i choose not to maximize my efficiency currently. hey! But its only the 3days into it!

is on a recent craze over illusions, or deja vu, or whatever we name it. Obsession with Yoga Lin latest album too. See the beautiful lyrics:

神秘嘉宾
我踩着梦的阶梯
走进了 一座迷雾森林
谁的心事 被天使窃听
泛起涟漪
时间它帮我设计 下一秒
谁是神秘嘉宾
小心翼翼 揭开了面具
掌声鼓励
谁闯进我的场地 谁让我措手不及
我早就预备的剧情 你却给我一笔
狡猾地 致命地正中我红心
我跟谁变得亲密 谁逐渐离我远去
华丽演出共襄盛举 唯有你的背影
友情客串却留下刻骨铭心 的回忆
你按了我的门铃 我终於
从呵欠中苏醒
紧张兮兮 对你说一句
欢迎光临
全场观众都离席 剩下我
还在原地寻觅
耳边听着 谢幕的歌曲
走不出去
谁闯进我的场地 谁让我措手不及
我早就预备的剧情 你却给我一笔
狡猾地 致命地正中我红心
我跟谁变得亲密 谁逐渐离我远去
华丽演出共襄盛举 唯有你的背影
友情客串却留下刻骨铭心 的回忆
我搬到谁的隔壁 谁成了我的邻居
鸣谢生命有你参与 笑纳我的邀请
曲终人散却写下不会结束 的结局

nice isnt so? (:
i wish life's all an illusion at times. But at least, Im able to distinguish between that from reality.

Im in a hols mood already!

oh, no matter how screwed my Jap and business laws got to this afternoon
or the fact I still have another test tmr..

Im just in a hols mood! HAHAHA

skipped mktmgt and use that extra one hr to walk around heartland mall could be that enjoying, hehe, easily contented ehh? XD

throwing aside my effma book is more enjoyable, duhhh
its a wonderful day ahead (:

I really don't know what I'm doing right now
no directional, no goals, no people, no soul
with 2 tests tmr, and im still here, blogging. I don't know if it that fcking backache or whatsoever that caused me to be so pissed over.
I feel like sleeping, after eating tt fcking panadol
but the main thing is I CAN'T. can't sleep. i laid on the bed, eyes closed, but the brain is like spinning non-stop...
and that the 2 ICAs remind me that i should really get down to studying, at 10am.
grrr

pissed, totally.

just can't get myself sleep currently.
im not sure if the large coffee i drunk in the afternoon or just the pure frustrastion running through me.
not on the top efficient level already
my schdules is like so hectic and I wanna waste precious moment of it by staying up awake doing nothing beneficial
letting your heart to runs over the minds is a nonono~
i think too much

the few days were horribly hectic,

thurs-
was e TKD meeting.
so unwillingly to stay bad because i waste 3hrs on that. duh..and sir vincent was late for a hr of so. Lucky i haf my laptop with me and cath, wenxin and me were all doing the project during that period
Zzz..meeting finally ended at bout 930pm
see, precious time gone again for unbeneficial thing and yes, meeting was totally unecessary in my opinion. NO directions to go. and sir vincent were full of profanities in it=.= wenxin and i were damn if there's not marketing project to keep us on hand

fri-
marketing kills me
the whole SBM was rushing it on thurs night. half on the school were still online past 4am and many didnt slpt for the whole night just for it. interesting scene at bookshop/tutorial/lecture also.
everyone is marketING, hahaha...
oh well...at least i completed in time.
felt damn tired in school because i only slpt for an hr on so on previous night, just the moment i gt marketing completed, was informed me that booking of rooms were all unavailable! =.=
jaw dropped, i've to settle this shit. resort to booking aerobic room. which i nv ever heard of such room before. went sports hall checked it out after school, ironic enough, its even under a sports and wellness facilities! What a SW student im! lol...but i conclude myself that aerobic room need more marketING.
im looking forward to TEP! yayys..crap these business modules now.

sat
slpt till 12pm! XD and went to look for my aunty whose tending a shop in heartland mall. mm... and decide went off to sengkang to study. settled down at starbucks, am pretty concentrated this time round
THEN. am chased out by starbucks for hogging their table. @#!&~!#@
not like as if there's not enough tables outside actually=.=
apparantly some people complained and yea... a whole bunch of students including me gt invited to sit outside instead.
nvm, im freezing inside already, and need fresher air too.
but guess what? i gt a free cup voucher in return for that(:
LMAO, nice exprience to study in starbucks. shall return more often then. *winks* and sit urself inside. hehe
studied from 2-7pm. still overall a nice day at starbucks and library with my studies.
but i had a overdose of coffee, i guess. stomach get weak if i had too much and i can't sleep.just like now

530am. Morning people.
Im off to life!

*yea, there's tone difference, before and after post*

I need you cut off the imagination of mine...